Help Your Child Manage Anger
Children often lash out to express feelings of frustration

One minute, your 4-year-old is playing nicely with her sister. The next, she’s lying on the floor, screaming, kicking and crying — again. “Anger is an important and real feeling. It’s a way that children express feelings of frustration,” says Mark Mendelow, MSW, director, Social Work at Children’s Hospital. “Children need you to help them learn how to express anger in appropriate ways.” Anger or temper tantrums are very common in children from ages 2 to 4. As children’s verbal skills improve, however, they are able to express their feelings better, which can result in better behavior. This is especially true if they have clear, consistent role models and limits.

Mendelow offers these tips for dealing with your child’s outbursts:

• Try to keep yourself calm. Your children learn how to cope with anger by watching you. If you yell back or spank children, you are teaching them how to handle themselves when they are angry.
• Calmly acknowledge your child’s anger. Let him know you will talk to him when he is calm. Use “I” statements such as “I’m sorry you’re so angry.” Children need to behave well before you can discuss what they are frustrated about. For instance, “We can talk about watching TV after you have calmed down.”
• Ignore lashing out statements such as “I hate you.” Your child doesn’t hate you; she just lacks the words to express how she really feels.
• Praise your child each chance you can. For instance, “It’s great that you calmed down so quickly.”
• Seek help if you are very concerned about your child’s anger or behaviors that persist over a long period of time.